Humor in and Out of
Uniform
Old Joke, Well Deserved Recipient!
A man
walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just
as President
Clinton came on the TV. After a few sips he
looked up at the screen and
mumbled, "Now there's the biggest horse's
ass I've ever seen."
Immediately, a customer at the end of the bar got
up, walked over, decked
him, and left.
A few minutes later, the man was finishing his
beer when Hillary Clinton
appeared on the TV. "She's a horse's ass
too," he said.
A customer from the other end of the bar got up,
walked over, and knocked
him off his stool.
"Damnit!" the man said, climbing back
up to the bar. "This must be
Clinton country!"
"Nope," the bartender replied.
"Horse country!"
Donated by an old joke himself Tom Peatro.
Rules
Women Should Know
Rule # 1
Anything we said six or eight months ago is
inadmissible in an
argument. All comments become null and void after
seven days.
Rule # 2
If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
Rule # 3
If we say something that can be interpreted in
two ways, and saying it
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
Rule # 4
It is in neither your best interest nor ours to
make us take those
stupid Cosmo quizzes together.
Rule # 5
Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women how
can we know how
pretty you are?
Rule # 6
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to
come out.
Rule # 7
You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it
done- not both.
Rule # 8
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
to say during
commercials or time-outs.
Rule # 9
Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and
neither do we.
Rule # 10
When we're turning the wheel and the car is
nosing onto the off ramp,
your shouting "This is our exit" is not
necessary.
Rule # 11
We will leave the toilet seat down if you reset
the seat position in
the car after you drive it.
Rule # 12
You can't expect us to be sensitive and
vulnerable AND expect us to
kill roaches and spiders.
Rule # 13
We don't want to hear our horoscope. Ever. And
don't dismiss our
behavior as being typical of whatever sign we
were born under.
Rule # 14
We are not to be held responsible for answering
questions to which
there is no answer (e.g. "Am I fat?"
"Do you think she's attractive?"
"What are you thinking?")
Rule # 15
If you are unhappy with your weight, that's your
problem. Don't make
us go on a diet with you.
Rule # 16
If it looks clean, it's clean.
Rule # 17
For every ten minutes you get to talk about
fashion, diets, makeup,
and emotions, we get ten minutes to talk about
cars, tools, hunting,
fishing and sports.
Rule # 18
Don't nag about how much we drink. It only makes
us want to drink
more.
Rule # 19
Clothes are allowed to go on the bedroom floor
over night if we think
we might wear them again tomorrow.
Rule # 20
We will go with you to take dancing lessons if
you go with us to take
shooting classes.
Some of these
jokes are from Michael Price's Joke of the Day.
Thanks Michael as your email is usually the only
one without a complaint.
If you would like
to join and receive his daily jokes see the
directions just below.
HOW TO JOIN, The
Joke of the Day List.
To join by e-mail: send blank mail to
JoinJokes@allworld.net
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